Serial Killer In Teletubby Land
by Fighter not a lover
Summary: One day in Teletubby Land, something appeared from far away... and he had a great big axe.


A/N: Yes, this is my parody fic. Also known as a stopgap until I can get off my lazy, writers-blocked ass and finish all my other stuff. It won't be long now, honest.  
  
Oh, yeah... and they aren't mine (thank God).  
  
Serial Killer In Teletubbyland  
  
Narrator: One day in Teletubbyland, something appeared from far away.  
  
*Enter scary-looking serial killer wearing hockey mask and carrying an axe*  
  
*Enter Dipsy*  
  
Dipsy: Ooh! Woddat?  
  
Narrator: He's a serial killer, Dipsy.  
  
Dipsy: Oooh! Siggul kigger!  
  
Serial killer: What the f...?  
  
*Slight pause while 'Teletubbies' producer explains that this is a *children's* TV show and we won't have any of that language around here, thank you very much.*  
  
Serial killer: (*sighs*) Whatever. OK, here goes. (*Crazy, evil laugh*)  
  
*Serial killer murders Dipsy. Cue lots of gore and body parts*  
  
Narrator: The serial killer has killed Dipsy!  
  
*Enter Laa-Laa*  
  
Serial killer: Fuck me, it's another one!   
  
'Teletubbies' producer: (*icy glare*) Ahem...  
  
Serial killer: I mean, gosh, it's another one.  
  
Laa-Laa: (*skipping*) La-la-la-la, la-la-la... Ooh! Woddat?  
  
Narrator:He's a serial killer, Laa-Laa.  
  
Laa-Laa: Oooh! Siggul kigger!  
  
*Serial killer rolls his eyes and murders Laa-Laa with a faint sigh of relief*   
  
Narrator: The serial killer has killed Laa-Laa!  
  
Serial killer: (*mutters*) No shit, Sherlock. Any more rocket scientists round here?  
  
*Producer holds up a sign saying 'Three strikes and you're out, boyo'. Serial killer rolls his eyes again*  
  
*Enter Tinky-Winky, swinging his handbag in his usual camp manner*  
  
Serial killer: Here we go again. How many of you... *chaps*... are there?  
  
Tinky-Winky: Ooh! Woddat?  
  
Serial killer: What, should I wear a sign round my neck?  
  
Narrator: (*sotto voce*) Wouldn't work. None of 'em can read.  
  
Serial killer: (*exasperated*) Geez.  
  
Narrator: He's a serial killer, Tinky-Winky.  
  
Tinky-Winky: Oooh! Siggul kigger!  
  
Serial killer: Can't any of you people talk properly?   
  
*Serial killer murders Tinky-Winky and chops up that horrible handbag*   
  
*Camera cuts to Po, who is whizzing round on her scooter a few hills away from the serial killer*  
  
Po: Eh-oh!  
  
Narrator: Po is playing on her scooter.  
  
Po: Po cooter!  
  
*Po carries on terrorising pedestrians and making the occasional honking noise until she accidentally runs over the serial killer, who had just sat down with a beer*  
  
Po: (*looks around*) Ooh! Woddat?   
  
Narrator: It's roadkill, Po.  
  
Po: Oooh! Rokill! (*notices Tinky-Winky, Dipsy and Laa-Laa lying in pieces in a pool of blood*) Oooh! Woddat?  
  
Narrator: It's the mangled remains of Tinky-Winky, Dipsy and Laa-Laa, Po.  
  
Po: Ooooh! Manglemain Tinky-Winky Dipsy Yaa-Yaa!  
  
Narrator: (*sotto voce*) And they're bleeding like stuck pigs.  
  
*Unfortunately the narrator isn't as quiet as he thinks and Po hears him*  
  
Po: Manglemain Tinky-Winky Dipsy Yaa-Yaa beedy stuppig!  
  
*Po picks up the axe*  
  
Po: Ooh! Woddis?  
  
Narrator: It's an axe, Po.  
  
Po: Oooh! Axe!  
  
*An evil glow starts to appear in Po's eyes. The entire 'Teletubbies' production crew legs it. Po chases them, cackling maniacally*  
  
Narrator: (*in a very relieved voice*) Oh, look, time for Tubby Bye-Byes. Bye-bye, Tinky-Winky.  
  
*SILENCE*  
  
Narrator: (*sounding a little desparate*) *Bye-bye*, Dipsy.  
  
*SILENCE*  
  
Narrator: (*definitely a bit hysterical now*) BYE-BYE, Laa-Laa!  
  
*SILENCE*  
  
Narrator: (*yelling*) BYE-BYE, PO!   
  
*SILENCE*  
  
Narrator: My God... can it be... no more Teletubbies?  
  
*SILENCE*  
  
Narrator: YES! YES! I'M FINALLY FREE! NO MORE ACTING LIKE A FUCKING SPASTIC FOR TODDLERS' ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAMMES!  
  
*Narrator skips off to become a porn star*  
  
~Owari~   
  
A/N: Yeah, OK, I know, I'll switch to decaf. This was kind of brought on by sleep deprivation, exam month at school (no sissy exam *weeks* for us, oh no. Here at the Hellhole we go the whole hog with our achievement, stress, crazy-ass revision sessions and caffeine ODs. Then next year we get to do GCSEs.) and chronic writer's block. If it helps, I have a load of other stories half- to nearly-finished in the pipeline and they'll all be up, uh... some time in the next 2 months. Probably. 


End file.
